DAD: Durugin ang Droga is a hilarious piece of shit that transcends common sense

DAD: Durugin ang Droga, the latest film by auteur and comedian Dinky Doo Clarion, ends with Duterte saying "My Gahd, I hate drugs" followed by what seems like Dinky Doo and the cast and crew of the film going around to promote their anti-drug advocacy. I hope that advocacy doesn't include promoting this "film" because it's... just... I'm actually speechless. I don't even know where to start.

Made with the quality of a Z-grade made for TV movie, Durugin ang Droga is a drama about a family torn apart by drugs. Well, technically only one person in the family is harmed by drugs, but whatever. It's also hilarious for all the wrong reasons. The dad (Allen Dizon) is involved with a bunch of shady drug dealers, leading to him getting a stroke. We now have to deal with Allen Dizon doing this weird paralyzed face for the next hour. This leads to his wife chugging the ol' bottle of booze and his son being rebellious or something. (The son also smokes some weed with his friends, but nothing really happens with that story arc, so I guess drugs aren't that bad after all! Drugs - 1, Family - 0.)

The film fails in almost all of its technical aspects, and it's clear these guys aren't even trying. Several scenes are clearly dubbed after the fact, with no effort taken to sync lips or whatever. Two characters have scenes where they sing in a lounge, where it's made explicitly clear that what they are singing and the song that we hear are not the same thing. Lateral tracking shots end awkwardly because the dolly or whatever they mounted the camera on bumps into a nearby table. I would say that the writing sounds like something a third grader would think up, but to be honest that would be insulting to third graders everywhere. The editing is also atrocious, with random scenes appearing from out of nowhere without explanation. The most egregious example is when, in the middle of the family's struggle, the film cuts to a random scene about two women being picked up by a shady looking bald guy. There's no context to this scene at all, and we have no idea who the hell these people are and why they're important to the story.

I don't have to tell you the film is terrible. But it is very funny. In fact, I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't enjoy it. I give up. Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this to myself. Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I have issues or something.

Including myself, there were only four people in the theater when I watched this, and at least two of us spent the majority of the film just laughing at it. Consider these gems:

• In one scene, Allen Dizon makes out with this drug dealer lady in the car. She takes off her dress and the scene blurs out to the next day. Allen Dizon then spots THE WOMAN'S DRESS inside the car, implying that she went home in her underwear. He tosses the dress to the side and it somehow later magically appears outside the car, where Allen Dizon's househelp see the dress and parade it around.
• Another scene is shot at a pool party, where two people are rapping for some reason. They also never show the entire pool, which makes me wonder if they only had the budget to rent that small portion of the pool.
• Another scene is supposed to take place in a nightclub, but there are usually no more than three people there. In one scene in particular, there's only drug dealer lady and exactly one DJ. One very sad, lonely DJ.
• The police get involved eventually. Head Police Guy Jeric Raval (his name in the trailer is spelled "Jaric Raval") wears nothing but a jacket. His fellow police men are similarly dressed, but Jeffrey Santos (who supposedly plays an ATTORNEY) is decked out like a fucking navy seal, complete with body armor and modded-out carbine with laser sight. WTF?
• In one scene where Allen Dizon's son Jonathan is smoking weed with some friends, one of his friends looks directly at the camera and does a Gollum impression, because why the fuck not.
• In one scene, Drug Lord guy hires Potential Mole to kill his wife Drug Dealer Lady. Potential Mole almost has the job done but he is incapacitated. Drug Lord is confronted by Drug Dealer Lady, and Drug Lord weasels out of it saying that he knew Potential Mole would never have the balls to kill her! Game of Thrones Drugs much?
• Jonathan goes home with a bunch of friends. Drunk Mom appears and does not say anything but she kinda gives him the eye a couple times before walking away.
• And finally, the greatest flashback scene in cinematic history: Influential Congressman is trapped by "Jaric Raval" and his heavily armed lawyer. We then flash back to 20 years in the past, where everyone is being played by the same actors, but wearing hip 90's wear (Allen Dizon even walks in wearing a bandana!) YOUNG!Influential Congressman even wears a cap with "1996" on it, just to hammer down the point. Congressman wears the 1996 cap in a rape scene later on just to differentiate him from another guy in another rape scene because the two scenes are shot very similarly.

Alejandro Jodorowsky once said that his films such as El Topo and the like were created to give the viewer the experience of taking drugs without actually taking them. In many ways, this film seems to do the same thing.