Screw that SEO with that title baby last page of google search power hahahuhu this is why no one reads this lol
The esteemed science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon once said, "90 percent of everything is crap." I am admittedly not as absolutist as Mr. Sturgeon here; in the realm of yearly Philippine Cinema, for me it's more like 50%, crap, 30% okay, 15% above average, and 5% good. I like to balance things, I guess I live up to being a Libra.
Unlike previous editions of this roundup, I don't have a list of unfavorite films, ranked much like my favorite films of the year list. The reason for that is most of the not so good films in 2021 are boring and unremarkable. Very few films this year evoked the sheer brain melting insanity of entries from previous years. I guess I'm a little bit grateful that I didn't lose too many brain cells this time around.
In lieu of that list, let me tell you a few stories (some good, some bad, some maybe hilarious) concerning some local movies and movie scenes I saw in 2021.
Chapter 1: The Steward of Statistical Outliers
Joel Lamangan arguably made a couple of decent films in the nineties and very early 2000s, but he seems to be stuck in the melodramatic formula of the era that gets progressively stale year after year. Add that with what looks like a flatlining sense of filmmaking ennui and we get a lineup of strange, dated films with little thought or effort behind them. I find that people who still like him are more preoccupied with text than form, or are still stuck in the nostalgia of old Filipino cinema, or both.
That looked to have been the same with 2021, given films like the brain dead on arrival Silab, or the wretched but at least partially substantial Lockdown, but there was one film in particular that to be honest I genuinely enjoyed, and consider one of his better films since 2017's Bhoy Intsik. It's called Bekis on the Run, and although the title is a bit inaccurate (not a lot of Bekis, and if they are there, they aren't on the run that much).
Most of the good stuff lies at the beginning, when two brothers (Diego Loyzaga and Christian Bables) rob a construction site. The two ladies inside the office (Kylie Versoza and Tabs Sumulong) aren't having any of that today, and it becomes a comedy routine. Eventually the two ladies are convinced that they don't get enough money from this joint and decide to side with the robbers.
During their escape, Tabs distracts some would be pursuers by flashing her boobs at them. I have to reiterate, Kylie Versoza (the obvious choice, given this is Vivamax) doesn't flash the pursuers, and neither does the two brothers. Tabs Sumulong does it. Rian Johnson is shaking because he just got outsubverted. Not the T&A we expected, but probably the T&A we needed all along.
Chapter 2: Satan Take The Wheel
At first, I didn't know if The Horror and the Herald was a faith based film. I don't think it is anymore, as it seems to hint at a larger eldritch horror as the source of all its problems. That said, in my own words, it is "One of the most profoundly stupid movies of 2021 (not just in the Philippines, but anywhere, in all parallel universes, till the end of time)." I'm standing by that lol.
The film is about Moira, a woman who joins a charismatic prayer group (simps 4 Christ basically). She connects with one of those simps and brings him home. But she is possessed by a demon (???) who takes the form of a black shadow with a glowing chest.
This decision is met with derision from Moira's father, a brain dead potato with the IQ of a banana, and her grandmother, whose past time seems to be calling her daughter in law and granddaughter whores because they... like holding hands? Jeez grandma you need to eat grass or something. Moira's possession leads her family to consult a local priest for an exorcism. Said local priest is pretty much incompetent.
While the other characters run around the house like headless chickens, Moira gains some cool powers, which mainly entails shining a really bright light on people that kills them somehow. They probably also order squid buffet along the way because everyone starts vomiting black liquid.
Anyway, everyone fails because no one has the mental capacity to solve the problem. The world presumably ends. I cheered tbh. Best film 5/5
Chapter 3: Would You Like To Develop My App?
If you have been following my blog for any extended period of time, you might have come across this post, which details my (albeit temporary) return to the cinemas. In retrospect, that post isn't as substantial as I would've wanted and I guess I shouldn't have posted it in its current form. I guess I just wanted to share.
It's time to talk about the film I watched during that magical moment: Perry Escaño's Caught in the Act. Let me preface this by saying: this, in my opinion, is not the worst local film of 2021. I don't even think it's bottom 5. It's quite entertaining, actually, if you consider the fact that (to paraphrase game developer and writer of many video game things Tim Rogers) it is a movie made entirely of failures.
To describe the film in its most simplistic, reductive form, it is a film about four students who want to develop an app. The app is a crime prevention app, and most of the film is about the development and conceptualization of this app. But if one considers to look at the details, the app (like most of the rest of the film) doesn't work as intended.
The app works by user-contributed crime reports, which are then sent to the police for further investigation. That's as simple as it gets: citizen sees crime, app collects data (location, etc) then sends it to the police. Simple, right?
WRONG lol. The students do not coordinate with the police beforehand, and the user report they do manage to send (with difficulty, mind you, as they witness the crime in an area with poor mobile internet) arrives at the police as an anonymous message, with the clueless policemen thinking someone hacked their computers. That also points to serious security vulnerabilities with the police network. Not only that, one of the policemen is in cahoots with the criminals and would've deleted the message if he had the chance! Also, the students actively search for actual crimes instead of just doing a dry run with police coordination just to see if the app works. Who wrote this? Was this even written by thinking, sentient humans or some AI algorithm that simulates human thought? What if that scriptwriting AI was the app all along?
If the movie was intended to be propaganda for certain individuals who "eliminated crime" in the areas they govern, then that's also another failure on the movie's part, as literal drugging and kidnapping take place in that same area (some of it even perpetrated by the students!) In fact, the crime likely would not have been solved if not for the fact that one of the students is horny for teacher.
Chapter 4: I am beside myself with shock
With two memorable films this year, Mel Magno's hit it out of the park with Run and Sin: The Movie (no, not the 2000 anime film of the same name lol), both films about gay men who run away from unaccepting parents only to find themselves in romantic relationships that are ultimately doomed in some way or another. In Run, it's a homophobic dad isn't above killing people to get what he wants. In Sin: The Movie it's something else entirely.
In Sin: The Movie, a hotel clerk who can't seem to do his job properly falls in love with a customer who is, by most accounts, an asshole. That assholery seems to be hereditary, also said guy has a lot of hangups because he's closeted and he uses hotel staycations as a means of escape.
The usual Mel Magno tropes apply here: ridiculously overwrought music, various non sequitur scenes that don't contribute anything to the story (a couple are quite creepy). But what sets this film apart from Run is the twist at the end. It's been done before, but not like this. Let's just say it takes calling your partner 'bro' to a whole new level.
When that scene came, I literally had to rewind just to make sure I heard it correctly. I've never been as flabbergasted by a film this year, and I think that counts for something.
There are so many other stories about 2021 Philippine cinema that I can share, but I don't want to waste your time any more. Up next, my favorite (non-Philippine) films of the year. Most of them are Japanese, 'cause I'm a weeb.
1 comment:
Good stuff!
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