Dominic (Adrian Lindayag) studies at a boys' school. During a religious retreat (par for the course at any Catholic school, believe me) he meets Luke (Keann Johnson). At the same time, he receives a prophecy from a local fortune teller (Iyah Mina) about a potential soul mate.
The mere existence of The Boy Foretold by the Stars is astonishing in itself: it represents the first BL (Boy's Love) movie ever screened in the Philippines. Popular in countries like Thailand and Japan. BL is a genre that exploded in popularity during the pandemic season with local shows like The Ideafirst Company's Gameboys. Last year, I would never have predicted that we would have a film like this in the MMFF, but here we are, and that fact makes me overjoyed.
It's a very sweet, well shot film that follows the conventional tropes of the genre, and that in itself is a huge thing. But even though the film is relatively wholesome the film still manages to address the difficulties effeminate gays face while living in a very conservative, even homophobic society. The film even explores, in certain classroom scenes, the roots of that homophobia and how interpretations of religious texts can be weaponized for people to rationalize their own hate.
But I digress. The Boy Foretold by the Stars is a simple love story, one that tells us that love may not always be up to destiny, sometimes it takes one person to say "fuck it," throw caution to the wind, and just start loving.
Because of the title's similarities to Joel Lamangan's other recent MMFF entry, Rainbow's Sunset, I thought Isa Pang Bahaghari was also an LGBT love story. I was only partially correct, as this film is more a family melodrama with some LGBT elements.
Dom (Philip Salvador) returns home after a long stint abroad, and not by choice. He comes home to his wife Lumen (Nora Aunor), and she is not happy about him coming back. If you just caught yourself thinking "hey, this sounds really similar to Coming Home," yeah, me too. But this time the script makes it easier to suspend disbelief, and the lead actors make the script work somehow. He was lost at sea, and someone took care of him, eventually getting married to him. It's still a pretty out there explanation. The plot still begs several questions: Dom lived with someone else abroad for years? Why wasn't he deported? Did he hide from the authorities? Why didn't he contact Lumen? Was his new family really that stingy with international calls?
The film feels very old fashioned. The film's narrative is reminiscent of family dramas from the nineties and early 2000s. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but the proceedings move at a very languid place, and the plot drags in several areas. Also, at a time where films like the aforementioned The Boy Foretold by the Stars exist, the inclusion of the "baklang martir" trope with Michael De Mesa's subplot (he's Dom's best friend and has been carrying a torch for him all these years) feels a little dated.
I'll give Isa Pang Bahaghari this: it's not as bogged down with sideplots as Rainbow's Sunset. The conflict between Dom and Lumen gets resolved more or less by the 2/3 mark, leaving more time for the story to explore its characters. And it all comes to a head with an ending that I can only describe as baffling. It's a major stretch of disbelief, and the emotional impact of the ending with audiences will vary. I can say the same for the entire film, to be honest.
I'd have thought, with the pandemic shutting down movies and moviemaking for a year, that we would not see any stinkers this year, at least nothing too bad.
I was a fool to think that.
Pakboys Takusa is a film about four married lotharios whose sole purpose in life seems to be to breed with as many women as possible. I didn't bother to know their character names, because unless they're pets, animals don't have any names. They style themselves as Casanovas. I think the more appropriate term would be "sexual predator." One of these "people", (notable Gunpla seller Andrew E) is even a dentist. He makes out with several of his patients, which violates several professional codes. Note that I put people in quotation marks.
Most of the film consists of one joke: one (or more) of the four Pakboys is cheating on his wife, sometimes with multiple women, sometimes two or more Pakboys with the same woman. Said wife almost catches him in the act; he reacts by making outlandish excuses. Wife inexplicably forgives him. Rinse, repeat. This goes on for one hundred and twenty three fucking minutes. As you may notice, this joke is no longer funny; it is even less funny when you repeat the same joke 420 times. It was never funny, but some guys way back seemed to think it was funny. They are, of course, wrong.
There is nothing to speak of about the film's plot, because it probably consists of scribblings on a torn receipt for Knorr Chicken Cubes. The film copies the formulas of similar films from the eighties and nineties. Hell, there's even a beach scene for some reason. There's no point thinking about it. This is like the worst porn ever: no plot (expected for porn), but no sex either. And what's left isn't even funny.
I wrote something when I wrote my review of Sanggano, Sanggago't Sanggwapo, and I think it still applies here:
this is fantasy wish fulfillment for middle aged old men, that somehow their old, bloated, fat, rotting bodies are still desirable to younger women even though they do not have the money or charisma to attract them; that somehow they can hold their own in a martial arts fight with hardened thugs; that they are actually as charming and cool and suave and funny as they think they are. This is a film by dinosaurs for dinosaurs.
Maybe the people involved did the film as an excuse to ogle chicks, I dunno.
Wait John, I hear you say, maybe this film portrays the toxic, philanderous behavior of its main characters because at the end, the characters realize how wrong they were and change for the better. HAHA NOPE! The film makes it a point that none of these characters have learned their lesson and will keep on happily shooting their spooge into any hole (not specifying which, because maybe they like butt stuff) that's available at the moment, like a cream pie conveyor belt, their penises bobbing up and down into an assembly line of gaping vaginas.
Then again, I hear certain stalwart protectors of Philippine Cinema pipe up and say: well, this movie isn't for you. And to that I say, yes, I fully agree. This is not a movie for me. This is not a movie for anyone I know. This is not a movie for any self respecting human being. The only people I can recommend this to are probably sex offenders or genetically downgraded mutants.
Pakboys Takusa is the putrid grime festering on the perineum of Philippine Cinema. It's not satisfying, it's not funny, and it was a general waste of time for all involved. I am now stupider for having watched it, and if you, dear reader, try to watch it anyway, may whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul.
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