Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao Film Retrospective Part 2

Let's put this out there before I begin. Manny Pacquiao is probably one of the greatest boxers in the sport, but he is no actor. He probably has as much emotional range in his acting and line delivery as a knocked out sparring partner. Unfortunately you'd have to tell him that because he's been acting in movies and television since 2000. I personally wish he'd stick to the boxing, but it's his life, and he can honestly do whatever he wants.

While Pacquiao has acted in supporting roles and cameos since 2000, his first movie as a lead actor is 2005's Lisensyadong Kamao (Licensed Fist.) Here he plays Ambrosio, a.k.a. Bruce, a boxer who has been on the ropes ever since he accidentally killed someone during a fight. After he showcases some of his natural boxing skills, he is recruited by his policeman friend to become a boxer again and introduces him to his trainer Fernan Balani (Eddie Garcia.)

The opening scene of the film has an underground fighting  ring in it, semi-headed by our villainess, former FHM cutie Juliana Palermo. This led me to believe that our hero Bruce will get involved in it in some way, but that's not the case; all his fights in the film are legit.

This film would have been pretty run of the mill, had it been released in, say, 1992. But in 2005 this film looks horribly dated and cliched. The premise is paper-thin, and the movie looks like it was done on a shoestring budget, which makes the number of respectable actors in this film quite surprising.

By the latter half of the movie we are introduced to quite possibly the weirdest boxing opponent the Pacman will ever face - a man by the name of Rocky Stonewall, who apparently hails from Las Vegas and is full of puns and one liners about how he'll put Bruce to sleep. With one look at the guy you know that he is some Filipino dude who happened to be part black who probably wandered into the set or something. His cohorts are the same, and since they couldn't get a Mexican-American either, they had to... emphasize some things regarding their obviously Filipino looking "actor":

Mah getup means ahm from 'MURICA! Yee HAW PRAISE THE LAWRD AND PASS THE AMMUNITION

One rigged match, a kidnapping and rescue attempt/shootout later (which includes Pacquiao kicking mooks in his boxing getup) we have a relatively happy ending. The movie is shallow as hell and best watched drunk... or not at all.

This movie didn't stop the Pacman in his cinematic journey - two of his next forays into film were featured in the documentary Manny - and in one of the scenes featured, the ending was basically given away. Thank goodness it did, so you don't have to watch it anymore.

This particular movie is of course, the 2008 film Anak ng Kumander, shown during the Metro Manila Film Festival of that year. In this one Pacquiao is Kumander Edel, the son of a slain rebel commander in Basilan. After the death of his mother, he decides to form a rebel group of his own, dispensing his own brutal form of justice. For example, in one scene, Edel executes a person who stole a carabao by hanging him  using a carabao as a counterweight. Of course the (corrupt) government will not have any of this and puts a 10 million peso reward on our rebel commander.

The film is a complete bore to watch. At no point do we ever sympathize with Pacquiao and his cause, and the manner with which he causes some of the deaths actually make us lose sympathy with the man. The action sequences are no help either, as they mostly consist of a couple of boring shots of people shooting at each other and getting hit, ad nauseam. There are no dynamic shots, and the music and editing is pretty much nonexistent. There are some weird moments, like when a rape victim is apparently buried in the clothes she was raped in.

The actors are hammy to the point of cartoonishness, except for our lead character, who has the acting proficiency of a piece of floating styrofoam. The film is made by the same person as the 2006 film Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar, infamous for the legendary "Saging lang ang may puso!!" line, but alas such unintentional hilariousness could not be found in this film.

By the time the end happens and everyone dies, you get some crap message about how Edel's actions will resonate among the youth. What actions? Rampant vigilantism? Killing government soldiers instead of, you know, coordinating with the non-corrupt ones to stop the corruption? For a family outing like the MMFF, this movie with all its death and rape sticks out like a ballerina in a boxing ring, which makes its utter failure in the box office understandable.

You are better off watching your own shit in the toilet than viewing this turd. Use any available VCDs of the film as coasters or makeshift frisbees for added enjoyment.

Also featured in Manny are clips from his superhero movie. After the failure of Anak ng Kumander in the previous year's MMFF, Pacquiao and company decided to make a film marketed to children instead. What better movie than a superhero movie?  In Manny, Hollywood star Jeremy Piven called it horrible. I'm not sure whether Mr. Piven has actually seen the movie or not, but he's right. Wapakman is a stupid film. However, it manages to be so bad and hokey, it's the most watchable (and dare I say entertaining) of Pacquiao's adventures in acting.

In the first ten minutes there are robot maids, little people with diarrhea, and crazy evil mad scientists. Enter our hero, Magno Meneses (Pacquiao), a septic tank technician who manages to save the day. Thanks to a number of fateful occurrences he is given special powers and he becomes the superhero Wapakman.  If you weren't bothered by the cheesy spacial effects and acting and are intrigued at this point, then this is probably the movie for you.

Wapakman takes far too long to establish its characters that, by the time we get to the meat of the movie, we are left with a number of tepid action sequences that last a little over twenty minutes. The rest of the running time is filled with crass humor and unfunny situations. To its credit, however, the movie doesn't take itself that seriously.

SHH! I'm downloading some vewwy, vewwy secret files.

You won't hear Pauline Kael talk about this movie's depiction of single parenthood in contemporary Philippine society any time soon. Instead, you get a number of silly fight sequences. Whenever you hear a boxing fan talk about how Pacquiao was leading in the scorecards during his fourth fight with Juan Miguel Marquez, you can bust out lines like "yeah, but do you remember the time when Manny Pacquiao fought a Giant Enemy Crab (tm) for MASSIVE DAMAGE?"

We've been told the crab is Mexican.

When Wapakman wraps up, there isn't really any resolution to the story, because Wapakman doesn't seem to have any coherent story arcs. Magno Meneses has no motivation for being a superhero, nor is anything particularly at stake most of the time in the film, as if the story was written by a bunch of six year olds.

The visual effects are passable for a film made in the mid 2000s. The film was helmed by Topel Lee. I remember reviewing one of his movies way back in the first year of this blog, and I've heard he has a penchant for effects heavy fantasy or horror movies.. I'm left wondering what the hell happened to this movie.

Predictably, while a lot of people consider Pacquiao to be a real life national hero, no one bought into the idea of Pacquiao as a fictional hero, and the movie bombed bigtime at the box office. The failure of this movie sealed Pacquiao's career as an actor in the movies. He would have occasional stints on TV, but as far as movies went Wapakman was the knockout punch.

That's the end of this short retrospective on the Pac-man's movies. The May 2 fight against Mayweather is sure to be an exciting fight, and I wish both fighters the best of luck.